Then & Now

When I first launched this blog, I was using it as a place to plunk my newsletters - which are, by their very definition, obsolete, retro, and hearken much too closely to the polished and perfected way they taught us to write 'journalistic' in writing school. I did actually get a Certificate in Professional Writing in 1998 from Mount Royal College and after a year of studying writing, I knew I still wanted to be a writer, but I really profoundly realized at the end of it all that I had a ways to go before I would know what it was I wanted to say.

So, I wrote songs for more than a decade. Spiritual, lyrical poetry, if you really want to get technical. Oh, and i did do some technical writing but those were dark times :) I kept it old-school, just using internet to write e-mails like they were letters to my pen-pals (of which i had many in high school, literally) or notes passed in jr high math class (ah-hem).

My intention with this relatively new form of expression is to commit to my relentless need for self-expression while remaining true to my calling as a Priestess of Truth; I won't mince words and I won't stray from my hard-care, radical perspective on empowered living.

I might not encourage people to do the things I don't do (for example, go to doctors, eat meat, use chemicals, etc) and I say some pretty extreme things some times, but I will always love the people with whom I come into contact - in real life and in this virtual reality - with unconditional acceptance.

Not everybody can handle unconditional acceptance - giving or receiving.

They say the way you do anything is the way you do anything. I resonate with this statement. Of course, I quite like extreme, radical statements. If you want to make change, I figure you should just change it all up at once. I know no other way. So, finding balance has been kind of a cosmic joke - my soul's urge to be radical fights my body's desires to repeat patterns. So, back & forth I have swung like a pendulum.

Being pendulous has had its moments. I thought that I was wasting time all those years, when I was simply growing into the person I am today. I really like who i am, and I would not have done anything differently. I spent my first marriage in conflict within, believing i had two natures (a sin nature and a holy longing) and it created a lot of conflict within that relationship. I asked God to reveal Self to me so many times, I was not surprised when I found what I was looking for within. But growth is painful, and it does not stop being so until a certain point. When you learn to nurture growth via intuition, connectedness, primal wisdom, and, above all else, creativity, you find new levels of power that just do not include the paradigm of pain and suffering. You can let go of a lot of old programs and find your voice.

My voice is found now - since the inception of Feral Goddess in 2008 upon a realization I promise to share another time - and I am not going to shut up.

Tomorrow I'm doing a four-hour trade show for local crafty business people. Last time I just gave away chocolate and newsletters, promoted my cleaning services, and ended up buying a bunch of things from the other vendors. However, this time, I am selling tie-dyed baby clothes and a few things for teens - all original creations from mostly clearanced or reclaimed clothing. I don't sew - yet.

Lose the Fat Head

(It has been a very long time since i have posted. I promise, that from this day forward, my writings will be posted - since i am writing anyway, and since every artist needs a focus. )

Let's start with my issues as of the past year. Everything has been wonderful when it comes to having our own home with a big yard plus a huge garden, living again in my home town, and having our son grow up with three generations of parents.

My issues, I believe, have stemmed from yet another personal visitation to the patterns held within the energy fields hereabouts where we live in Weyburn, SK. What makes the patterns all the more of a challenge for me to overcome is that most of my ancestors also lived in this area.

Now, I must iterate that I am ALL Nurture when it comes down to being vs Nature. I KNOW that it is our environment moreso than our genetic inheritances that cause illness, for example, as well as more subtle patterns of (okay I will come right out with it): self-abusive over-eating.

Of course over-eating is an illness. And, like every other illness, the cure is in the mind. I have had my moments, and usually only for a few months and then I come out of it (as has happened in the past few months of not over-eating). What has been the pattern, however - to recognize from the end what the actual abusive pattern is - is that I would then beat myself up for having let myself gain fat.

My beautiful, curvaceous goddess body has an amazing ability to store fat. I am highly muscular, my bones are dense, I am the most fit overfat person you know! But now after all those years of self-punishment, I have realized that MY BODY IS A GENIUS.

Think about it: what is stored in fat? Why do we have it to begin with? In this current overfat society, I'd say pretty much everybody stores mega-toxicity in their fat. This is verifiable by all sorts of science, but let's focus on what I've been taught via intuition.

If my body did not do the most primal, safe and sound thing for its own protection - such as store toxicity (from junk food, environmental inhalants, etc) in adipose tissue (fat tissue) - then what could be happening as the alternative?

Well, just to rattle off a few alternatives to proper fat storage: parasitic (ie Candida) domination of any and all organs having genetic predispositions to weakness; cancer; infertility; fatigue; sudden death via some "random" infarction.

I don't like to get too carried away with alternate realities. I am SO happy and grateful for my life exactly as it is. I never realized just how perfect my body was until i realized that I actually still have ribs showing no matter how much fat i gain (and I have certainly been about as big as my extended family would like me to be!) THIS must mean that my body stores fat in safe places. NOT in my upper abdomen, around the ribs, around the organs or anywhere the experts would say is unsafe. Yay!

So, in spite of my apparent misuse of food in the past, I can only revel in the efficient and protective nature of my own body. My mind is efficient, my mind is protective, so why shouldn't my body be?

I've been reading Dr David R Hawkins book "Healing & Recovery" and it has solidified for me the intuitions i've been getting all along about perception of reality being the key critical factor in our ability to alter reality. This is applied to all health issues and is revolutionary for any person who chooses to read it and use it.

Stare at yourself naked in the mirror for at least a minute every day and tell yourself just how beautiful you are - and mean it from your Soul (because your soul wouldn't lie to you). Give thanks that you can walk, run, jump, skip and dance! There are people in this world who can't do those things. There are people in this world that would be so envious of your body fat because where they live, everybody's skinny and fat is a symbol of abundance.

I haven't seen it yet, but I'm looking forward to watching Jessica Simpson's new show about Beauty and I'm sure I will revisit this topic again soon.

Blessings in Abundant Radiant Goddess Bodaciousness <3